dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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