Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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