I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is my gift to your gina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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