This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
