mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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