weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
