he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
