Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
