I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
