I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
