I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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