OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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