Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
