There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize