guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Congratulations! We have a period
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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