last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
