I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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