Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
