I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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