have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
