my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
