when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
