i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
