Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
