Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
