Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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