My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
