My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
