I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
