6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
