i think my mom watched the whole time
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
