hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
