He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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