I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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