I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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