I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
