if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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