Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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