Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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