her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
