someone owes me an orgasm
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
