spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
