you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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