moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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