White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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