you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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