Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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