haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
