dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
