By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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