Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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