I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
