Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
